I read books and listen to podcasts by many self-employed entrepreneurs (a la Tim Ferriss, Greg McKeown, etc) and never fail, they have a section or episode on Saying No. Saying No is an essential practice, they say, to focus on what matters most, to produce the highest quality work in what you do take on, to avoid having the creative and vital juices sucked out of your bones by less valuable vampiric commitments on your time.
To be fair, I think I have also heard one or more of them talk about how when you are just starting out, it’s your prerogative to say yes to as many things as possible, to see what you are good at, to make connections, to get the ball rolling, so to speak.
I feel at a cross between these two. On only week two of my sabbatical, I have realized how it’s much too easy to look up and realize I have committed all my time. This week, I spent two days on the farm, a rainy day quilting, a day helping my sister-in-law with some pre-newborn tasks, and now I have a day left for groceries and everything else I was hoping to touch this week.
At the same time, I don’t necessarily regret how I spent my time. I learned how a day on the farm really goes. I got to spend quality time with my lovely sister and my nephews. I made massive progress on a top project. I am doing a lot of the things I wanted to do.
And yet, I am running up against that great human conundrum: a want-to-do list that seems to forever and always exceed the available time and resources.
Yesterday I:
mowed my lawn (I can hear the neighbors singing for joy)
rode along to deliver the hay I helped load Monday (thankfully the barn had a crew to unload it)
helped where I could in the afternoon (there was a lot of tractor driving that I narrowly avoided and moving heavy things to get the hay shed ready for a new season)
went for a quick mile run before going to get the kiddo
Today I:
visited my sister-in-law and helped her prep supplies to keep her two boys occupied this summer post-newborn baby
Yesterday and today I felt:
At the farm yesterday I felt quite useless. I know I wasn’t exactly useless, but as I left I asked my father-in-law if he could maybe only ask me to come if I was going to be very useful. I don't know if there's some method to the madness of training farm help where it's important to know how to sit and twiddle your thumbs but I would much rather not waste anybody's time.
Today I felt very useful. I spent most of the day making copies and laminating cards — things that are harder to do while corralling two small children. Time flew by while sis and I worked and chit chatted and all of a sudden it was time to go home.
I’m trying to think as well about the way I assign the value of a day to how useful or productive I felt. This isn't necessarily the healthiest or nicest way to be a human. But it's also good to simply recognize how I feel, and in general I feel better when I get things done. That doesn't have to be good or bad. I can just notice it for now.
Tomorrow:
Friday. I cancelled my reservation for my “usual” Friday yoga class because I feel I have so much to do: last week I said I would do another Long Walk. I want to quilt and code and clean house, and do the grocery shopping and pick the kiddo up early from daycare and I have just learned that my dad is coming for dinner. It’s going to be a very full day and I am excited.
In my head I have a mental line where I will start job hunting for real at the end of June if nothing falls out of the sky at me. So, today marks one-quarter of my true low-stakes sabbatical. How the time flies.
What else should I try with my time off? What would you do if the only solid commitment you had for the next six weeks was daycare drop off and pick up (i.e. no cross country trips… unless the toddler comes too).
Until tomorrow.
Amy