10 Lessons in Motherhood

The 500 Things Project Ep. 8

My Charlie is four months old. I want to hit pause on this whole growing bigger thing, but that is the whole point of being here! As a person! To grow! We are all in for a lifetime of learning, but here are ten things I’ve been noticing since Charlie got here. Some are more like reminders and some are new. Let’s go.

10 Motherhood Lessons (So Far)

1. I am stronger than I think.

Sometime during my second trimester I watched a birth video as a part of a childbirth class. At the end, I felt like throwing up and also like finding a rock to live under. Instead, a few months later my body expended a real live child. After, I was surprised to see my own freckles on my arms, my own skin. I had done something unimaginable but here I was. Here I am.

2. I can survive on less sleep than I thought…

Edward and I are the kind of people who go to bed at 8P. I hadn’t set a morning alarm in over eighteen months and I wasn’t sure how I would make it with a living alarm that went off every few hours. Well, we’re making it.

3. … but I cannot thrive on low sleep.

While I can survive less sleep, I do not thrive. I’m more susceptible to anxiety and hopelessness in general when I haven’t got enough Z’s, which was obvious from a couple mini panic attacks in the week after he was born and the tears I’ve had the past couple weeks while Charlie went through a sleep regression. But hey:

4. Change is inevitable.

And with a newborn, this is a good thing, because it means that cluster feeding (no matter how much it feels like it) will not last forever. Three weeks ago he went back to eating four times a night instead of sleeping nine hours in a row. When it feels endless, I remind myself it is only a season and we can do it. Lo, last night he only woke up twice. Progress.

5. I can get stuff done in the cracks.

It’s a wonder, but not a surprise, that I have started my most consistent writing practice to date after there is an infant in my house. The baby is asleep or happy to wiggle on his own? Watch me fold laundry, do a round of dishes, crochet ten rows, or jump on those unanswered emails.

6. A clean home is a necessary reset.

I knew I operated better in a tidy environment, but now I know that tidying my house actually resets my stress cycles. Quick plug: The stress in your body is separate from the stressors that cause it, which means you can work through your stress before you might be able to deal with the stressor (see: living with an infant, both a joy and a jaw clencher). For most people, daily exercise will move them through their stress, but things like hugs or dance parties or - for me, tidying the house - will do it too.¹

7. I’m an environmentalist when it’s convenient.

Ack. I wish it wasn’t so. The prime example at the moment is diapering. When we first brought Charlie home, we were shook by the number of diapers we were going through. We did the math: investing in a set of reusable diapers would pay off. We even got to borrow a set of newborn reusables from a friend. And they were kind of hit or miss, so when they stopped fitting we went back to all disposables. This is an area where for my sanity’s sake I’m giving myself grace and taking small steps where and when I can.

8. If he’s crying, he’s breathing.

And if he’s got the energy to wail, we can work on it (comfort, food) later. A reminder for when I am so very tired. Don’t worry, I always come back to him, but sometimes Mama’s gotta take a breather herself.

9. He’s my kid.

Duh, but let me explain. I was talking to my mother before Charlie was born and I worried out loud whether I would like him. And Mom just said, “It doesn’t work like that.” She’s right (and no one is surprised).

10. I really do love him more every day.

I thought I loved him a lot when he first came out, but it’s amazing how one’s capacity increases with some sleep. I’m smitten. He’s more expressive every day, and he knows me when I get home from work. His whole little body says, “That’s my mama!” and he gives me smiles. I can’t. 

And this is just the beginning. I’m here for the ride. See you next week.

Love,

Amy

1. Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski is the book to read if you just said, “Wait, what? Tell me more.”