dwelling in overwhelm
and finding our way out
Welcome to Dunham Dwells, where we explore how we dwell in our space in the world – in my case, through reading, writing, and being a bit of a neat freak. Listen in.
The truth is that before I started working on my last newsletter, I hadn’t really thought about high sensitivity that much. Now I’ve been thinking about it almost non-stop for two weeks. Here’s what I’ve noticed.
Here’s how things often go for me: I’ll be in a new place with friends, doing something new and loud and fun, and then I’ll be asked to make a decision: where should we go for lunch? Or, do I want to try [activity] or [new sensory experience]? My brain will immediately shut down. I will feel like I only got two hours of sleep the night before and have never made a decision in my life.
If I remember I’m an HSP, then I can remember that I probably just need a time-out - a long trip to the restroom, five minutes alone in my car, or even to go home and reset completely. But I’m just as human as the next person and I hate missing out.
What to do? Here are a couple things I’m going to be thinking and doing going forward, and would recommend to other HSPs:
It’s important to me that my close friends & family know that I am highly sensitive. This is helpful so that when I bail mid-event, I don’t have to additionally strain my overwhelmed brain to try and explain that nothing is wrong, I just need to go take a break. It can be awkward and weird to explain at first, but as with most everything, the people who care about you properly will understand and be quick to offer support. They might even start to notice you getting overwhelmed before you do.
However, in some situations - like outings with casual acquaintances - the opposite is true. Explaining myself and the nuance of high sensitivity might not be worth it in the moment and would cause a lot more overwhelm. I’ll just briefly apologize and check out. Pro-tip, my friends: You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten is that “No” is a complete sentence. Amen.
High sensitivity doesn’t bar a person from all typically overwhelming experiences. Far from it, although it depends on the person for sure. Something that I need to remember, personally, is that full enjoyment of an experience might take more than one try (since novelty + chaos is extra-overwhelming compared to just chaos by itself), or some careful planning (say, taking in a new sensory experience with people I know and trust rather than a group of new friends).
Just for kicks, here are some rather particular ways being an HSP affects me: Sometimes drinking caffeinated coffee feels like magic, but usually it makes me feel like there is an anxiety squirrel having a party in my chest. I can’t fall asleep during movies and I don’t watch scary or gory movies. And I hate doing new things that don’t come with instructions/guidance but am quite good at repeating detailed work once I know what I’m doing.
Hit reply and let me know: What’s something new you’ve tried in the past week or past month? How did it go?
Love,
Amy
p.s. This week I’ve been reading The 4-Hour Workweek, by Tim Ferriss. It looks like a really gimmicky book by its cover - the premise is that a person should be able to work more efficiently, break out of the 9-5 grind, and have the time to travel the world - but I’ve been listening to Tim on various podcasts and like the way he speaks. So far, the book has been inspiring me to dream bigger and work more efficiently in several areas of my life - although no worries, Mom, I’m not quitting my day job just yet. I might be talking about these areas in a future newsletter, so keep a lookout.