Lessons from the Valley
The Stardew Valley, that is
Lessons from the Valley
Today I'm thinking about Stardew Valley.
It's a computer game where your character has inherited Grandpa’s old farm and it's up to you to tend the land and bring life back to the town next door while you're at it.
Everyone thinks it's a relaxing, charming little game when they download it, but if you're not careful you can become stressed and frenzied, trying to complete quests and produce before a particular season is over. I don't play too much, which is part of how I keep things relaxed. I try not to mind how many seasons it takes for me to build up my little farm.
One of the first things I felt about Stardew was how some elements shifted how I viewed my real life.
The main one was growing friendships with the townspeople. The strength of your friendship with any given character is measured on a barometer of ten hearts, which you fill by talking to the person (conversations “count” once per day) and giving them presents that they like.
In real life, I had gotten into the habit of either overthinking friendship or falling into the pit of despair about it. I would never have the 200+ hours it took to make a close friend. I was afraid I would say the wrong thing, so I just kept quiet. Work and family would take up all my time forever and ever.
Playing Stardew unstuck me. Keep it simple, stupid. Friendship doesn't have to be hard, or complicated, or even all that deep most of the time. Start conversations. Reply to texts. Leave comments on Instagram. Host meals. Invite some friends away for the weekend and see what happens. The little things really do add up over time.
Today though, I thought about something Stardew has that real life doesn't really: the energy bar.
In the game, you always have a bar in the corner that tells you how much stamina you have left. Doing tasks like tilling dirt, watering crops, and chopping down trees lowers energy, while going to bed at night or eating food raises energy. If you deplete all your energy before bedtime, you become sluggish and it takes an extra night of sleep to regain your full energy.
You know where I'm going with this. There is no handy dandy bar in real life to tell you when you're up against your limit. We all have internal registers, of course, but they often seem poorly calibrated.
When I was 11 or 12 my mom and I ran a 5k in DC in July. It was 95* and sunny. I don't remember the race very well but I remember after: feeling so awful, trying to find the place I was supposed to meet Mom, sitting down somewhere. A woman walked by and I don't know what she saw but she asked if I was okay and I just whimpered. She poured a bottle of water on me, someone found Mom, and eventually they got me into an air-conditioned bus. I was fine in the end, but I remember feeling so scared and miserable, and I’ve never handled heat with much grace since then.
Yoga and mindfulness practices are supposed to be good ways to hone your internal barometer. Yoga focuses on sticking with your breath and paying attention to your body at each moment, listening for where you can bend deeper or when you need to call it good for now. So today I went to my first heated yoga class.
It was a combination class: some yoga, some cardio, some free weights. The room was somewhere between 85-90*. I spent a lot of time in table top when I should have been in downward dog, or sitting when I should have been in a squat, and I haven't sweat like that in a very long time. I also spent a lot of time breathing, a lot of time trying to decide if I was okay. I was okay. My fear since that summer 5k is not just that I'll go past my breaking point - but that I won't know I'm headed there until it's too late.
On the other hand, maybe the energy bar in Stardew has something simpler to remind me. The energy you start each day with is a gift. It's your job to choose how to use that energy, whether building strength through exercise, taking in the world through movement, or getting in a good day’s work. And at the end of the day, you can rest and restore that battery with nutritious food and quality sleep. The cycle is satisfying, and kind of what we’re here for. I hope I only keep growing in the practice.
Today I:
Took a walk around the block
Called a doctor I had been meaning to call for 4 months (it’s okay I’m okay I just finally have the time to take care of myself all the way?)
Took myself to the local coffee shop because my internet was out at home and worked on The Friendship Database (details to come soon)
Went to hot yoga - the 45 minute class only took me two hours to do including driving time and that is only because I forgot my yoga mat the first time I left the house and I took the scenic route home
Ate Real Lunch, including a salad and fresh cooked pasta1
Worked some more on the The Friendship Database and then curled up in bed and wrote the above essay, because after the Long Walk and the hot yoga my body hurts
Went and got the kiddo and then received an internet technician who replaced my dead modem-router
Today I felt:
I feel weird at this particular moment, but I’m hoping it’s because it’s past my bedtime. The questionable amounts of exercise aside, I feel like my whole body is detoxing from the hours I spent in my windowless office wishing I was almost literally anywhere else.
Now it’s time for bed.
Tomorrow I want to:
Work some more on The Friendship Database. Go for a short run if I’m feeling well; go for a medium walk if I’m feeling meh. Take a nap.
Real Lunch is my second favorite part of being at home, after nixing the Terrible Awful Commute